I’m sorry I haven't posted another installment of the Anorexic to Fit series in such a long time. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what and how I should say things. There is so much I want to say and sometimes I just don’t know where to start.
In this part of the series, I want to talk about how anorexia has effected my body. This illness has so many bad side effects and consequences and I still have to live with some of them today.
*If ED related posts trigger you or make you uncomfortable, then I have many other blog posts you can read that don’t have anything to do with this topic. :)
During my ED I knew very well that I was harming my body for good. I was sucked into this black hole of depression, horrible body image and self hatred. I thought I had to lose weight to be accepted, pretty, confident and happy.
As much as I wanted to get out of this mindset and lifestyle, I just couldn’t. It was like I was in chains and couldn’t get free no matter how hard I tried.
I was very underweight, weak and always tired. I had no energy to do the simplest things. Walking up or down a flight of stairs caused me to get out of breath. Every time I stood up it got black before my eyes and I felt like I was going to faint. I was constipated (TMI?) and constantly bloated. I had trouble sleeping and my hair started to fall out. I was pale, looked sick, lost my period and was slowly killing my body by starving myself.
Those are only a few of the bad side effects I had. I still have to live with some of the side effects and consequences today.
Recent Snack: Think Thin Crunch Bar (Chocolate Dipped Nuts Flavor)
Our bodies need food for everyday tasks. Whether it’s walking around, breathing or sitting down. I wasn’t fueling my body with the food it needed and I regret it now.
There were times were I seriously thought I was going to die. I felt my body slowly shutting down. It was like something took over me and my body and I couldn’t control myself anymore. It was a horrible experience but it’s made me stronger. It’s made me appreciate myself and truly want to take good care of myself.
My health and well being means so much more to me than it ever has.
It took me forever to decide if I should include these picture in this post. These pictures were taken during my eating disorder. As you can tell, I was very underweight for my tall height and my bones were sticking out. I don’t look like this anymore.
Now, I’m at a very healthy weight and am working on building up some muscle again. Oh and, please excuse the awkward position my legs are in, in the second picture. No idea why I thought that was comfortable..
No special questions for today..