I’m sorry I haven't posted another installment of the Anorexic to Fit series in such a long time. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what and how I should say things. There is so much I want to say and sometimes I just don’t know where to start.
In case you missed the other installments of this series, click here for part 1 and here for part 2.
In this part of the series, I want to talk about how anorexia has effected my body. This illness has so many bad side effects and consequences and I still have to live with some of them today.
*If ED related posts trigger you or make you uncomfortable, then I have many other blog posts you can read that don’t have anything to do with this topic. :)
Strawberries are almost is season! I’m so excited because I love strawberries but hate paying a fortune to buy them when they aren't in season.
During my ED I knew very well that I was harming my body for good. I was sucked into this black hole of depression, horrible body image and self hatred. I thought I had to lose weight to be accepted, pretty, confident and happy.
As much as I wanted to get out of this mindset and lifestyle, I just couldn’t. It was like I was in chains and couldn’t get free no matter how hard I tried.
Recent Breakfast: Full fat yogurt, protein powder, skim milk, stevia and raw oats. Topped with a sliced banana.)
I was very underweight, weak and always tired. I had no energy to do the simplest things. Walking up or down a flight of stairs caused me to get out of breath. Every time I stood up it got black before my eyes and I felt like I was going to faint. I was constipated (TMI?) and constantly bloated. I had trouble sleeping and my hair started to fall out. I was pale, looked sick, lost my period and was slowly killing my body by starving myself.
Those are only a few of the bad side effects I had. I still have to live with some of the side effects and consequences today.
Recent Snack: Think Thin Crunch Bar (Chocolate Dipped Nuts Flavor)
Our bodies need food for everyday tasks. Whether it’s walking around, breathing or sitting down. I wasn’t fueling my body with the food it needed and I regret it now.
There were times were I seriously thought I was going to die. I felt my body slowly shutting down. It was like something took over me and my body and I couldn’t control myself anymore. It was a horrible experience but it’s made me stronger. It’s made me appreciate myself and truly want to take good care of myself.
My health and well being means so much more to me than it ever has.
It took me forever to decide if I should include these picture in this post. These pictures were taken during my eating disorder. As you can tell, I was very underweight for my tall height and my bones were sticking out. I don’t look like this anymore.
Now, I’m at a very healthy weight and am working on building up some muscle again. Oh and, please excuse the awkward position my legs are in, in the second picture. No idea why I thought that was comfortable..
No special questions for today..
Beautiful post Shannon :) I'm so happy you're recovering and in a much better frame of mind. You're SUCH a wonderful person and I know your story helps so many out there suffering.
ReplyDeleteHope you have a wonderful rest of your day! God bless!! <3
Thank you so much for opening up and sharing your thoughts about your eating disorder. I have considered writing a little bit about my ED on the blog too. It's interesting to read how other people deal with their ED. I'm SO glad you feel better and healthy now.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you are so much healthier and fee better now. I think you are so brave for sharing story and knowing that you four back from ED is likely to help so many out there who struggle. You are such a brave and lovely person and I absolutely love reading your blog because it makes me feel so wonderful knowing that there are other teenagers out there who have experienced similar/worse issues than me. Have a lovely day Shannon, you deserve all the happiness in the world.
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Sorry for the awful spelling above I'm on an I-pad and can't type! Haha
ReplyDeleteI'm so proud of you! It's so hard to fight against an ED and you are doing a very good job :) - i have to say that i wasn't ever that skinny, but I saw a video of me from my theatre play and only looked sick. I was afraid of myself. That couldn't be me. This was the first time I realised I need to change.
ReplyDeleteIt is a hard fight and one of the hardest to realize what you are doing is wrong. You seemed to have really found that balance. Our bodies our powerful machines and mine did tell me loud and clear after five years it couldn't take it anymore. I needed that push and I am glad I finally listened or I would be no be who I am today.
ReplyDeleteGreat story and you deserve much more than that ED!
Great Post, I appreciate it!
ReplyDeleteI like this post. I regret those times too and what it's done to my body, but it only makes us stronger in the end... now we know we can get through all that!!!
ReplyDelete:) Great post.
Shannon, you have come so far! You are definitely a wonderful role model, I know that I definitely look up to you :-)! I loved this post because it showed that anorexia is nothing glamorous, it's horrible and has nasty side affects.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your life and recovery with us. You are such an inspiration!
ReplyDeleteOh Shannon,this post makes me sad,happy and proud of you - all at the same time!
ReplyDeleteIt's terrible you've had to go through all this,no one deserves an Eating Disorder,really,and I know how hard it is to fight against that voice in your head that tells you to harm yourself and your body... But the knowledge that you were able to conquer it makes me so glad and,even more than that,PROUD of you because it shows how strong you are!
Every time you feel bad and doubt yourself,remember that you've been able to do something many people (including myself!) are still struggling hardly with after several years... So you can do ANYTHING,alright? :)
Shannon i am soo proud of you. your mindset and attitude towards food seems so good for someone who has suffered with anorexia. you are truly inspiring <3
ReplyDeleteso proud and happy for you! doing even the simplest of tasks during my ED was the worst. i hated it. luckily i'm much happier now :)
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'm so proud and happy for you, too! I'm glad that we're both doing a lot better now. :)
Deletethanks for sharing this hun. xxx
ReplyDeleteYour story is truly inspiring Shannon! Thanks for sharing your life! I am so glad you got better and are recovering, your life is too important!
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy that you're at a better place now! Your story is inspirational! :]
ReplyDeleteWow, you've come a long way! You go girl :)
ReplyDeleteI just purchased thinkthin bars. there a great snack that fills ya up quick.
www.fitwithflair.blogspot.com
Thank you! :)
DeleteYay for ThinkThin bars! I agree, they make a great snack!
I think you're so brave for posting this and for including those photos, I really admire you for doing it :). I'm really sorry that you struggled so much but am also really glad that you're doing so much better now and value your health. This was inspirational to read!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are recovering from this!
ReplyDeletemmmm its a constant battle to deal with the voices in our heads that tell us we have to look a certain way in order to love ourselves...and for other ppl to love us too. so hard especially in this culture! you are beautiful when you are healthy, inside and out. :)
ReplyDeleteps - have you been able to recover fully in terms of your side effects like your digestion, bloating, etc?
Thanks for your comment, Julia! :)
DeleteAw, thank you so so much! That means a lot to me! <3
My digestion is a lot better but I'm still really bloated sometimes. My body still has to get used to enough again...
lovely post, shannon. are constipation and bloating common side effects?
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sara! :)
DeleteYeah, I think so. I've done some research on it and it's one of the common side effects. During my ED I wasnt eating enough which caused me to be constipated.. which led to being bloated all the time.
Thank you so much for this post Shannon, really. Writing something like this takes courage (and a hell of a lot of it) but its the reality. You've reached the end of the tunnel but you keep running back in to reassure the rest of us that the end is not that far and that the light at the end is real. You are such an inspiration. P.S your eats look delish. I actually had a cashew cookie larabar before my workout today and it was digusting. Don't try it. Ever.
ReplyDeleteYou are so brave to post such personal details of your life. I really look up to you and commend you for your strength! Fighting ED can be so difficult but it is great you have worked to overcome it. You are a great example to all people who have struggled with any time of eating disorder or disordered eating. Thank you for this inspirational post:)
ReplyDeleteYour post is so amazing. I like it. We should take care of our health.To protect from ED is so difficult.We should struggle with any time of eating disorder or disordered eating.
ReplyDeleteStevia
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Thank you everyone for the sweet and supportive comments! I'm so glad you are all enjoying this series. <3
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